Long Bones

First and Most Important Disclaimer:

I AM NOT AN EXPERT!! I am not a nutritionist, I am not a personal trainer, I am not a dietitian. I am a legal assistant who has lost 75 pounds since April 2008 and I feel I have good information to share. But take my advice with a (figurative) grain of salt, I do not believe I’m wrong but I could be. Also, if you are an expert and I have a glaring error please let me know and I’ll do my best to correct it.

Second and Slightly Less Important Disclaimer:

Summer 2009 I was diagnosed with a disorder that has me taking a particular medicine for treatment. This medicine is abused by many people as an appetite suppressant. I do not espouse the use of drugs to make the whole weight loss thing easier, but I do have to admit that being on this prescription has made losing weight this summer easier.

About Me:

I was first aware that I was fat when I was eight. I had been a long lithe child but at age eight I suddenly put on some weight and became your typical chubby child. In my mind I was a monster. I was taller than almost everyone and easily outweighed most of my class. I was not good at sports and already felt alienated from the popular kids. Time went on and I got taller and taller and wider and wider. I learned that being fat made me less of a person, that weight was the enemy and that I would never be beautiful if I didn’t lose weight. (I was wrong on all counts). By the time I was twelve my mom was sending me to school with a Slimfast shake for lunch. In high school I learned binging, but not purging.

Finally once I left home for college in Alaska I did have my only other major time of weight loss and positive body image. I was living in a small town and walking miles a day. However this was short lived and when I moved up to Fairbanks I started gaining weight again. The first time I was shocked and horrified by my weight I was 216 lbs. Then 222 lbs. Then 240. Then I stopped weighing myself. My father died and I ate more and more to comfort myself. Then in 2008 I went to the doctor’s office for my female exam and it had been a few years since I’d had a regular check up. I was worried about being pre-diabetic. I was nervous when they asked me to step on the scale. I took off my jacket and my shoes.

280.

I was two hundred and eighty pounds. To this day I can honestly say I have no idea how I held it together in that moment. How I didn’t break down into a sobbing quivering mass on the floor. I resolved then and there that I would, come hell or high water, lose the weight. It wasn’t healthy. They took my blood and sure enough, my blood sugar was at 100 – borderline prediabetic.

The very first thing I did was cut out high fructose corn syrup and join a CSA. I read Michael Pollan and Barbara Kingsolver. I learned how to cook. Over the course of that first summer I lost 40 lbs. Then it was winter, I was moving, and I had a sinus infection. For most of October I was plateaued at 237.6. I decided then to give up until spring.

I live in Fairbanks, Alaska. Spring was a long time coming. I gained back about 10 lbs. I was diagnosed with my aforementioned disorder and started taking my aforementioned prescription and discovered really quickly that I would have to start counting calories to make sure I didn’t accidentally starve myself. So I joined www.livestrong.com. I found an amazing community of people there in a group very dear to my heart. They are wonderful. A strong beautiful dynamic woman named Celeste in California showed me that you can be gorgeous and be heavy. So I cut my hair and updated my wardrobe. I started losing weight again. But even if I hadn’t I still feel better than I’ve felt in years.

I started getting messages, people telling me I was inspiring. Brave to show pictures of my fat self on the internet for all to see. I don’t know that I’m inspiring or brave but I started feeling like I had something to share. Then I joined the Fitness Challenge, a “Biggest Loser” style competition at my gym. It seemed like the perfect starting place to blog about my weight loss journey.

So here I am.