The Frisky has a really good interview with Dirty Martini, a burlesque dancer who is featured in this month’s V magazine size issue.
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-frisky-exclusive-interview-v-size-issue-chanel-dirty-martini-lagerfeld/
I am amazed by this woman!! I wish I had that kind of confidence! I’m going to pick up a copy of the magazine as soon as I can, and let you know what I think.
So yesterday I was hanging out with my buddies at Kromey and Nini’s place playing the New Super Mario Bros. on the wii when I looked down and my boob was hanging out. I didn’t panic, I adjusted my shirt and since everyone else was looking at the TV I don’t think they noticed – if they did, they were cool and didn’t say anything. I had to readjust several times that night but as Ecker is Ecker and never notices anything and Flickerbrain was sitting at a really bad angle to see anything it just leaves Kromey of the guys (Nini and Shondar can see bra – I dont’ care) who may have been exposed to my remarkably sedate lingerie.
So I went home and in a fit of pique posted of facebook that I’m not allowed to wear that shirt in public again. I’m serious too – it’s going straight into the consignment store/donation bag. I mean, my boobs are cute but my guy friends don’t have to see them. Not to mention the disaster it would be if they had crept out at work!
On facebook the congratulations started rolling in. It’s cool – I’m really happy that everyone is so happy for me and inspired by me. It’s really cool – a couple days ago I got an email out of the blue from an old friend Yenta Jon saying that he knows its a touchy subject but he still wanted to say congratulations. That really meant a lot to me.
But the clothes thing. Damnit, that was one of my favorite shirts, and an integral part to my favorite professional outfit. It isn’t something that I can have taylored – it’s a really simple long sleeved Old Navy t-shirt with a great scoop neckline that really shows off my clavicles in a pretty deep teal color. I love losing weight but I’m really frustrated with losing all my favorite clothing and not being financially able to replace them the way I would like. And frankly even if I could afford to buy the nice clothes I love I shouldn’t until I’m done shrinking – take a look at the Joan dress I got in September from Torrid – fit perfectly then, far too loose now. That one I will have taylored though. Later.
In the meantime I will occasionally whine, whinge and complain about losing another favorite sartorialish peice. And then exhault when I find a stylish replacement. It’s a cycle.
Okay, this sounds incredibly hippy dippy trippy (yes, I watch What Not to Wear), but I’m serious. One of the best ways to stick with this weight loss journey is to find an aspect of it that you love. Because this is a lifestyle change and not a diet and I can’t reasonably advocate you to do something that you hate, (almost) every day, forever. Because there will be parts of it that you hate you have to find the thing that balences them. I was going to say you could try to find a really good work around, but you can’t work around exercise, or eating vegetables.
So finding the thing you love can’t be that difficult, right? Yeah, maybe, not so much. It takes a lot of trying different things. You can think something is your passion one week and then grow bored with it the next. We are fickle creatures, human beings.
For Nelly it’s exercise, going to the gym isn’t a chore for her – in fact it’s one of the sweetest parts of her day. Aulika reports sex, reading on the bike and dancing. For me it’s cooking excellent healthy foods. Ten years ago I had to call Nelly to ask her how to make spaghetti. As in “boil water, add pasta, wait, drain, pour on sauce” make spaghetti. These days the transformation from ingredients to food comes naturally and I love how under my hand a simple blend of mushrooms, leeks, a touch of butter, salt and a splash of wine can become something transcendental.
SW: 280
LW: 192.4
CW: 190
TL: 90 lbs
There it is. 90 pounds lost, officially. I was actually here at one point during that blogging hiatus I took, but then I fell off the wagon and have had to regain my position. 90 pounds though, wow! I am really proud of myself. It is incredibly hard to lose weight in Fairbanks in the winter. I’ve been doing a good job getting exercise in (though today it was too cold to walk to work) and this past week I really cut down the chocolate consumption and ordering out. Feels good.
I’m not sure how to talk about this without offending someone but I’m a talking type person so I’ve got to get it out.
I think I’ve found a trigger to some (key key word that is, some) of my compulsions. But I will never be able to hash it out with this person. And it isn’t someone who I can walk away from.
I can’t afford many days like yesterday. It was a combination binging/picking day that left me sick and bleeding. Bleeding so much I need to wash my sheets today. This isn’t a small disorder I have. And because I track my cycles so carefully these days I know where the different waves of disordered acting fall biologically. And the usual triggers – or at least as far as I’ve managed to figure them out – weren’t present. It is very clear to me what happened.
But the other person involved will not talk about it. I don’t think that person ever will.
It leaves me with a dilemma I keep circling around in my head. This is part of adulthood – something I’ve tried to come to terms with but sometimes I still find a struggle. I really respect this person in a lot of ways and I would like to know him/her and why they do the things they do, and explain to them in a way they would understand how they affect me. I’m really disappointed that this is off the table, eternally.
I’m happy with my life. I can say that in all honesty with no dissembling, none of my usual inability to commit to a statement unless I know for 100% it’s true. (Just ask my boss about that one!) I am happy.
That is something I need to hold on to. That despite everything I have built a world for myself and I am happy in it.
SW: 280
LW: 192
CW: 192.4
TL: 87.6 lbs
Wow it has been a while since I’ve done a weigh in on here. Looks like I’m up .4lbs but the whole story is that I was actually down to 187.8 and then up to 193.8 in the time that I’ve been gone. So really, I’m doing okay. Back on my game as it were. Totally ready to rock the house. I can’t exactly say I fell of the wagon there for a bit because it was really a measured jump – I took a break. I needed one. And it was Christmas. Taking a break actually stopped me from feeling bad about myself for indulging in chocolate, cookies and candy over Christmas, not to mention my truly decadent oyster stew. Because all of that would have happened anyway.
And now: 2010. I cannot believe how truly hopeful I feel. If I keep it up, losing 5-8 lbs a month, I will be at my goal by my birthday. As I don’t really have a number for my goal – just a feeling – I may very well be there before then. Not just weight – everything in my life, everything!, feels swollen and pregnant with possibility. I feel like my life is a boulder at the top of a hill and fate just came and gave it a great big shove. I think that this is my year of wonders.