Long Bones

So it has been a month since I have posted here. One full page of the calendar gone. And what a month it was — you saw/read all the bitching and moaning that proceeded my mysterious dissapearance.  November 2009 will go down in infamy as one of the worst months of my life. Serious top three. It threw a lot of things off for me. The beginning of December sucked as well – really the bad month started November 10 and lasted through December 10. Holy heck. I completely hadn’t realized that all the bad that happened happened literally in one month.  But it is over, my crazy random wonderful luck is back. And I’ve made a really good friend, who stuck with me through all the amazingly bad crap that happened.

So the diet didn’t fare too well through all of this. But as I haven’t posted in a month, I don’t know if I’m up or down from where I left off here. I’ll do an official weigh in on Monday January 4, 2010 (wow).

Speaking of the New Year, I have been thinking a lot about resolutions lately. I have a laundry list of things that I want to do in 2010 and it feels to me like the universe has shifted and I will finally be able to accomplish them. Maybe it’s all that I accomplished in 2009, or maybe its the fact of a full moon at New Year’s (a blue moon at that!). But a “New Year’s Resolution” is such a loaded phrase. Something along the lines of 92% of New Year’s resolutions fail.

I can’t help it. I love the words: resolution, resolve, resolute. Resolute especially rings a bell with me.

I must be resolute in continuing this weight loss journey because the easy part is over. And frankly, the easy part was not particularly easy. 

I must be resolute in stopping with the freaking dermatillomania because I have already damaged so much of my skin beyond repair. I will be literally scarred for life. But I want to be confident enough to have a physical relationship with a man again,  and if I have kids (and one way or another I want to adopt children, the only real question for me is if I have biological kids) I am not going to pass this habit on to them.

I must be resolute in being kind to myself, honest and loving to the people I’m close to. 

I must be resolute in working two jobs and saving money so that I can do the things I love and live the life I dream of. 

And I must be resolute now that I have taken on the responsibilities at my church that I stick to them and continue writing my essays and hopefully soon give my services.  I have a strong spiritual voice, one that questions and I hope asks others to question. I think this is my path, so I must be resolute to walk it.